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How May I Help You?

This is a page where I’d like to ask those who have read my blog to let me know what difficulty they’re having relating to surviving suicide. What is it that you’re experiencing that you don’t want? I asked on my blog for feedback and got some really great suggestions and incorporated them all, so I thought I would do the same again so I can get your perspectives. I am creating a course to help those who have survived suicide learn to cope and heal from this life altering experience and would love your input.

I know for me it was support, having a network to be able to discuss my thoughts and feelings with, and quite often it wasn’t there. They couldn’t understand what I was going through really, and although they tried the best they could, it just wasn’t what I needed. I turned to self development and explored many different areas over many years to come up with something that worked for me.

I also struggled with being lost and not knowing what direction to go in, being “stuck”. Wanting to come to terms with what I’d experienced, getting resolution and just learning to be okay with it all. Learning to rebuild a new life after the loss was a big hurdle for me and is what got me on the road to self exploration, figuring out who I was now without my life partner, what it is I wanted to do with my life, who I wanted to be and how I’d accomplish that and even what that looked like.

I know that many seem to get “stuck”, don’t know how to cope and can’t even begin the healing process because they don’t know how. So … this is your opportunity to give me feedback, suggestions and ideas of what you’d look for to move you forward. What is it that you’re experiencing right now that you want relief from? What hurdles do you have to overcome?

Look forward to hearing from you!

7 Comments leave one →
  1. July 4, 2010 6:45 pm

    I think the most important thing for those who are surviving suicide is to stress to them that it is not their fault, it had nothing to do with them, and they are in no way responsible. There is no point in beating yourself up over the could of/should of/would ofs because the reality is that the person who committed suicide was so far down that the efforts would not have made a difference. Trust me as this is coming from someone who has been on the brink several times attempting it in a variety of manners – and the only person who could save me at that time was me. I still am the only person who can save me. No one else can do it. However loving my friends are, no matter how much they wanted to help at those darkest moments, it was me who had to DECIDE to LIVE and not die.

    • July 5, 2010 9:51 am

      cancergirl730,

      Thank you so much for being the first to leave a comment! You’re exactly who I want to hear from, someone who has not only experienced suicide first hand, but also one who DECIDED to LIVE and not die. I am so glad you made that decision🙂, you have much to share!

      You are so right that it really always comes down to just the one person having these thoughts, they have to want to live. No matter how much help you offer, how many therapists they see, how many drug therapies they try … it is ALWAYS up to them.

      A friend of mine has a saying “I won’t pull you through the keyhole” and what he meant by that was that he wouldn’t want something for me more than I wanted it for myself. You can’t will, convince or influence another.

      Your suggestion about stressing that it’s not a survivor’s fault is paramount and yet so many do the “blame” game. I was going to include something about this in my “Letting Go” portion of my course, I will keep your words in mind when finalizing.

      I did my very best to try to keep my husband alive, did all that was humanly possible. We talked so much during all of this that I really had no guilt when it finally happened and that was a comfort for me.

      So much of what takes place in a person contemplating suicide is their thoughts. Our minds are very powerful. I will cover thought awareness as well in my program. What makes me really sad is that so many are not in their right mindset, many because of physical chemical imbalances treatable only with therapy. It takes a long time for diagnosis and drug therapies to be perfected and time is the one thing suicidal people don’t always have.

      Be well and take care of you!

  2. May 26, 2011 11:16 am

    First I would like to say I am sorry for your loss .I was wondering about those of us who have loved ones that survived suicide attempts.I know that I felt so helpless at the time and it was a horror that still haunts me today.For many years during a tumultuous relationship I suffered through many horrible domestic violence assaults and numerous suicide attempts by my spouse .The guilt for me was unbearable .I really believed that if he died it was my fault somehow .I can not even begin to describe the numerous ways he attempted suicide and I frantically rescued him.I know a lot of them were probably meant to just scare me but the emotional toll was devastating. I do not even know how to put into words how watching someone attempt suicide feels much less how hard it must be for you and your family after the loss of your loved one.I hope you may find peace and I am sure writing this blog helps you and many others.
    I now have started my own blog and am writing to help relieve some of the stress from all those years.I now suffer from both bipolar {depression} and PTSD.Maybe I always had the depression/bipolar but I am certain that I would not have the flashbacks and PTSD .I hope that my blog also helps someone out there because I know it really helps me.I have only touched the surface of what actually happened for those 15 years >My fear of reliving it keeps me quiet.But I have started a blog so thats a positive move forward anyway.
    Take care ……….

    • May 28, 2011 10:34 am

      Hi Spiritsblue!

      Thanks so much for your comment, I just love hearing back from readers! I’m so sorry for your loss too, seems so many are touched by suicide and the grief is so complex that it’s very difficult to come to terms with and move forward. It sounds as though you suffered greatly, both before and after, it is time for you to forgive him and yourself so that you may heal and have some peace. I am also sorry to hear you developed PTSD from this and accompany that with bipolar and depression, it is amazing you’ve coped this well.

      I’m glad you’re blogging and letting your story out, it truly does help I find. Something I do once I’ve done a post is to sit quietly for a few minutes, eyes closed, remembering what I’ve just written and shared, and then I make a very conscious decision and say it out loud that I’m ready to let it go and find that helps me tremendously. We can all get “stuck” in our stories, some are much worse than others, but the fact you’re now blogging is most definitely a “positive” and your own words “move forward” is what’s important to focus on. Motion or movement is essential. I haven’t had a chance to check out your blog, but will do so and leave a comment. Each one of us telling our “story” does help.

      Wishing you continued movement forward and much healing. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

      Take care, Barb

  3. April 30, 2012 8:16 am

    Good morning, Barb
    I am a bereavement educator and editor of the Journeys Through Grief newsletters. I would very much like to have you write an article for my bereaved spouse newsletter-will premier June 1. Please feel free to contact me at peggy@sweeneyalliance.org.
    http://journeysthrugrief.wordpress.com/ Thank you, Peggy

    • May 8, 2012 9:28 am

      Hi Peggy!

      Thanks so much for your comment. I explored your blog a bit and found you on Facebook and Twitter and have followed you there as well. My Facebook page is “Suicide Shatters” https://www.facebook.com/SuicideShatters. I’ll be contacting you with the address you provided in regard to an article, I’d be honoured to do so.

      Many thanks, Barb

      • May 8, 2012 9:31 am

        That is wonderful! I look forward to “meeting you”. Many hugs, Peggy

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