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Surviving Suicide – Part 38

February 22, 2011


I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve done a post on here. Dec. 31, 2010 was my last post, so my apologies to my subscribers or those checking in. I have thought about doing a post for so long, yet somehow each day, as I tell myself I will do one today! – I don’t. I can’t for the life of me figure out why I procrastinate so much, they say there has to be a pay off, but I can’t figure it out. Do any of you procrastinate? How do you overcome it? I know with blogging that it’s essential to be consistent and yet I don’t. A little self-sabotage me thinks! Please share with me any tips you have to stop procrastinating by leaving a comment, I just love getting comments!

During the month of December 2010, I was asked to do an interview after joining a wonderful Facebook page called HealthyPlace. I was contacted by a producer, she’d read my blog and wondered if I’d be willing to be interviewed about suicide. I was thrilled as this was something I’d wanted to do for some time, to get interviewed or solicited for my story as it’s a great way to help get the message out about suicide.

HealthyPlace is a fantastic Facebook page, please take a look when you’ve got a moment to explore. Their website is chock full of outstanding information, blogs, Radio Shows/interviews via the phone like mine was, TV shows/cam interviews, discussion boards, etc. It’s a tremendous resource of great information on all things mental health related. is the largest consumer mental health site, providing comprehensive, trusted information on psychological disorders and psychiatric medications from both a consumer and expert point of view. HealthyPlace has active mental health support forums and chat, online psychological tests, breaking mental health news, mental health videos, documentary films, a live online mental health tv and radio show, unique tools like the “mediminder” and more. HealthyPlace won 3 prestigious Web Health Awards in 2010 and took first place at the 2010 eHealthcare Leadership Awards for Best Health Content and second place for Best Care/Disease Management site. also has extensive information on suicide for people considering suicide, as well as their family members and loved ones.

As I mentioned above, I was a guest on the HealthyPlace Mental Health Radio show and you can hear my interview Life After Suicide on their website. Please do take the time to explore their amazing Facebook page and their website. Have a listen to my 15 minute interview which I’ve given the link to above and let me know what you thought of it as it’s my first interview, and feedback is so helpful. I’ve been told that over 500 have listened to my interview, but no comments have been left, so would be lovely to hear from you!

November 2002 – Life goes on!

I left off on my last post at October 2002, so I'll continue on from there. I'd mentioned the boat sale and the unprofessional and underhanded boat broker in Part #35. Thought I'd finished with him, but November 1st he called me. He started out by telling me my buyer was no longer wanting my boat. That the buyers’ bank was ready to cut the cheque but only payable to his brokerage firm. Told me I should let this "deal die" and sell to his other couple who were interested for possibly more money. He finished with "let's kiss and make up and close the deal". I listened to everything that came out of his mouth not believing a single word, but just listened to gain information and said very little other than I'd think about it and get back to him.

I had no intention of ever working with this slimeball again, but did want to talk to my buyer and verify if any of what he'd said was true. At this point I trusted no one, not the broker, not the buyers. I called my buyer and spoke to the husband, he said he had in fact been speaking with the broker, hadn't said anything and was very much still interested in my boat. He also told me the broker had been bad-mouthing me to him saying that my brother-in-law who put me in touch with this broker to begin with, had said I was a bad person (he used another word that was a profanity) that he (my buyer) should let the "deal die" (same words he used with me) and that he (broker) had other Neptunus boats to sell him.

I asked my buyer at this point to bring me the key from the boat, which he did. Some may find it strange that I myself didn't go get the key, but I really had an aversion to going to the yacht club because of what had happened there. Looking back, I should have just dealt with it myself and avoided the buyers and lord knows who else having access to my boat, but when you've got your boat for sale, access just like with a house for sale must be available whenever it needs to be shown, so this is why I gave the key to the broker in the first place, stupidly trusting he'd be honourable with it.

I live in Ontario, and come November it's getting very cold and all boats had been hauled out long before this. I was running out of time for the travel lift to be used to haul my boat and this was a pressing concern as time dragged on with this deal. The buyer kept assuring me the cheque would soon be coming, but I had to go ahead and incur further expense to haul the boat, have it blocked (put on stands) and have it winterized so things didn't freeze. My buyer agreed to pay the costs for hauling.

November 4th I called my buyer to see when the cheque would be ready. He said the man at the bank handling all this was off sick, but he'd find out if someone else could expedite things. November 6th my buyer (wife) called to tell me that their bank would not do the loan without using a loan arranger and that this triggered close to $23,000 in GST tax and that they didn't have that $23K because her property management company was purchasing two apartment buildings and they needed $450K by November 15th. She then asked me if I'd drop my price by $20K and to think about it and let her know.

I've noted "WHAT A DRAG! 12 weeks, $6K to my lawyer and payments on my boat loan and I should drop $20K??? I DON'T GET IT!!!" I was extremely frustrated to say the least!

Keep in mind my lawyer had been in touch with their lawyer and the bank and had been told nothing of this. This deal just kept getting more and more complicated, I had no idea nor did my lawyer what a "loan arranger" was, but turned out it was more or less a 3rd party loan company who would be guaranteeing the loan, not the bank. It was all very confusing to my lawyer and me, just felt like this deal would never go through.

Regardless I had to go ahead and get my boat out which I did November 6th. The winterizing took place at the yacht club all except the engines. November 7th the marine mechanic informed me my boat was now at the marina and would be hauled out November 14th and he'd then winterize the engines. The boat came out as scheduled on November 14th, the mechanic called to tell me everything went well and was done. I was never the one to handle maintenance, hauling, etc. with the boat, Rob had done all of that, so this was a first for me.

In the midst of all this chaos, I had a conference to attend. Not at all what I needed, but I'd paid for it and had to go. I arranged for my sis-in-law to stay with my son while I was away. I'd not been away anywhere in years, so although the timing was not good, in a way I looked forward to the change of scenery as I was going to Cancun. Treated myself to some new clothes which I'd also not done in years. Got home from buying my clothes and my girlfriend was there as well as my sis-in-law. I excitedly showed them everything, my girlfriend loved the stuff, but my sis-in-law was annoyed. She felt I should not be spending money on myself when I owed her Mom. My sis-in-law mentioned this to my girlfriend, who in turn told me and it sure dashed my moment of excitement, made me mad, hurt and guilty and really put a dampener on my mood. I finished packing and let it go.

It was a financial investment type of conference, I knew only one person who had introduced me to this group so for me, heading off to something like this really knowing no one was daunting. It was also my first trip flying alone and that was a bit daunting too. I managed well, didn't get to see the friend who was running the event much as he was busy most of the time. I went with the mindset that I'd meet a few people to hang out with for the week and as I always do, I did. Noted on November 15th that we all went to the nightclub on the resort and that I met Barry White! He often visited this club and he was so nice and down to earth. He sang a few songs, we were dancing to it and just couldn't believe it was happening for real! Fabulous evening!

I returned home November 16th and have noted "Snow – YUCK!" Everyone had done well while I was away. I'd brought back small gifts for my son, my sis-in-law and my girlfriend who was there when I arrived home too. My sis-in-law left that night, my girlfriend stayed over and we had a nice night chatting about what I'd experienced at the conference. It was a nice reprieve from all the BS with the boat, but reality was never far from my mind.

November 19th my buyer (wife) called to see if I'd considered dropping my price by the $20K. I told her no, I'd discuss it with my lawyer and get back to her. The following day, November 20th, a letter was faxed to my lawyer from my buyers' lawyer serving notice that the transaction is now at an end and please return the $25K deposit!!! At this point, my buyers had my boat off the market for 12 weeks so no others were shown the boat as we'd been told their loan had been approved.

November 25th I faxed my lawyer a list of my expenses as he'd requested. My costs incurred while their approval for financing had taken place were at $11K plus my legal expenses.

So November drew to a close, all the frustration, confusion and chaos that had ensued resulted in the boat sale falling through. I was exhausted by the process, was totally disillusioned with people once again and now faced having to deal with the whole mess the next season to get it sold. My hopes were dashed that I'd ever get this boat sold, I'd put so much energy, time and money into it and had been able to remain more or less positive throughout the entire 3 months, but now just felt defeated. I wondered why things had to be so damn hard :(.

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