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Surviving Suicide – Part 10

June 13, 2010

It’s been quite a while since I last posted, don’t know why I procrastinate on this, but I do. I’m a fan of a great group on Facebook called the IASP (International Association for Suicide Prevention) and they work with the WHO (World Health Organization) and recently stated: The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that every 40 seconds, a person in the world dies through suicide. It’s an alarming statistic and so very sad. The IASP welcomes each new member by name and also asks for support by either leaving a kind comment or by hitting the “like” link when someone shares with them either their loss of someone by suicide or an anniversary of losing someone. They do tremendous work in this area of suicide and are to be commended.

As I look back at my monthly tabs in the month of July, I was noting quite often that I was depressed, sad, hopeless and sometimes angry. I was trying to keep track of my mood noting when I had a good day or not. I did have some good days during the month, spent a weekend at my brother’s cottage which always did my soul good, saw “Lion King” which was a wonderful production and went to the Beaches Jazz Festival with my girlfriend, so I did make myself get out and still be part of life although my heart wasn’t really into it. I got used to having this rollercoaster of emotions, it was very draining but I knew to take full advantage of my good days when I had them and got things done.

As this was summer time, I had Rob still cut the grass at my house, figured it was the least the beggar could do for me lol! One day Rob left our shop to go cut the grass and I noticed that he’d left his cell phone behind. I am most definitely not the techie type, had my own cell phone but more or less only used the send and end buttons. This day I picked up Rob’s phone, played around a bit to see what I could see and noticed a last number and name that had called his cell and lo and behold … it was the new girlfriend. Her name was Karyn but I had assigned her a not so nice nickname, it was “Wonder C**t” and I can tell you I absolutely detest that “C” word, but for her it seemed so appropriate. Rob hated when I called her that too, I think that’s why I used it frequently … I often wondered if he had shared my endearment with her. Anyhow, I stared at her name and number and knew immediately that I wanted to call her. I thought about it for a very short time, then hit redial and waited.

I definitely had a slight quickening of my heart rate as I waited to see if she would answer. It of course would show Rob’s cell number and name calling in. Didn’t take long and she answered in her oh so sweetest little girl voice “hi” and was able to somehow gush even with just saying a simple hi. I said :”Hi there! it’s not Rob, it’s Barb.” There was dead silence for a moment and she sputtered something about being at work and not being able to talk and I said “that’s okay, I don’t need you to talk, just listen.” She made another attempt of needing to get off the phone because of work, I just proceeded with what I had to say. I just asked her why she being married felt the need to have an affair with my husband, why not pick someone single. I then proceeded to tell her what Rob had told me about her messed up marriage, she seemed pretty surprised he’d be sharing that with me, but I did close saying you have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself involved with, and with time you’ll probably realize it, but he isn’t who you think he is at all. She recovered enough at this point to ask me whether Rob knew I was calling her and I replied, “No, he’s at my house cutting the lawn but when he returns I’ll be sure to tell him!”. I told her that I’d always tried to live my life and treat others as I would want to be treated, that I really believed in what goes around, comes around and that she would get hers in the end. She asked me whether I wanted her to stop seeing Rob so that we could see if things could be worked out and I said it was far too late for that, that she should have maybe had that thought before sleeping with someone else’s husband. I told her she’d exchanged one messed up man (her husband) for another messed up man and that if she’d not seen that displayed so far, it would be coming. I think it was at that point that I’d said all I wanted to, my whole intention was to make her squirm a bit and to tell her what I thought of her, so once that was done, I had no need for further communication. I hung up and Rob arrived back about 15 minutes later. I told him I’d called her, he went white and asked how I’d gotten her number? I said, off your cell phone … he was very surprised I’d been able to figure out how to do that and I can tell you one thing, he never ever forgot his phone again! He grabbed his cell phone and immediately went outside to call her and when he came back in, he told me I’d really upset her, that she was crying. I said good! Mission accomplished! It was one of the very few times I did something for entirely vindictive reasons, and I will admit, I enjoyed it just a wee bit too much.

From the first I knew about her, Rob’s biggest terror was that I would call her husband and tell him. Rob asked me that immediately and I said I didn’t know what I was going to do. He was terrified of her husband Tom finding out, not quite sure why, but he was. Tom her husband also occasionally came into our shop for work to be done on his car, not often, but sometimes. I usually ask myself if any good will come of something I’m about to do, and if I realize no good will come of it, then I usually don’t follow through. I figured at the time why phone Tom up to tell him his wife was screwing around with my husband. Wouldn’t make him feel very good, sounded like they had a terribly abusive relationship and he had a drinking problem too, so I figured he had his hands full and I didn’t need to add to it, nor would it change what had transpired. At this point most of the yacht club knew Rob and she were having an affair, so how her husband was oblivious I didn’t know. It wasn’t long after I called her that her husband pulled up in front of our shop one day. Rob was sitting at the counter on the stool, I was at my desk. All of a sudden Rob was flying off the stool so quickly that it almost fell over. I wondered what the heck had happened and that Rob’s face was completely drained of colour and had such a look of sheer panic that I looked to see where he was going. It was then that I saw Tom, Rob’s girlfriend’s hubbie had pulled up and he didn’t want him coming into the showroom where I was in case I told him.

Rob was turning himself inside out literally, falling all over Tom to get his flat tire repaired in record time! Rob pulled out the jack and got his car lifted up right where he’d pulled up, popped off the tire, found the leak, had it plugged and back on the car in less than 5 minutes. Rob was sweating bullets! Tom waved at me through the window, I waved back. He wanted to pay Rob for the tire plug, but Rob was patting him on the back and saying oh it’s no big deal, on the house today! Tom was surprised, but accepted and left. When Rob returned to the showroom, he looked exhausted, but he thanked me. I asked him for what? He said for not telling Tom about his wife and I. I said I was too busy enjoying the comedy I’d been watching with he and Tom to be bothered to get up. He looked completely fried and I think he left shortly thereafter for the day. This was another one of those times when I inwardly enjoyed seeing Rob squirm. Eventually Tom did find out about Rob and his wife. He got himself quite drunk at the yacht club, called Rob out about it at the bar for all to hear and told Rob to step outside to settle it like a man. Rob was no fighter, never believed in getting himself hurt and the few times over the years there’d been conflict, he’d usually pick something up to defend himself with. I think some of Tom’s sympathetic buddies managed to drag Tom away and back to his boat, but this was the first time that the gossip mill at the yacht club had openly had to deal with the mess. Rob told me the next day about it all and I reminded him “aren’t you glad I won the argument over what name to put on our boat?” Rob sighed and agreed. He had wanted to name it “Peyton Place”, the irony was not missed by either of us.

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